1) If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends (or I) said, "I just need to get my life together/figure out my life!" or "What the heck am I doing with my life?" and all the variations of those phrases that you can imagine, well I think I could open up a high yield savings account with all of those dollars and retire in 5 or 10 years!
- While I feel this way all the time - who doesn't want stability and control? - every day I discover more and more that it just doesn't exist. We can all obviously do things to make our lives better and more stable (balance our budget, read, challenge ourselves intellectually/spiritually, be productive at school/jobs, nourish our relationships, etc.), but there is no "getting it together." A friend of mine said the other day that she realized she shouldn't be a relationship because she didn't have her finances in order. I laughed at her, which I think she may have taken offense to, but I just see it as a rationalization for why she does not have a boyfriend or does not need to have a boyfriend (I want it, but I shouldn't because...). It's a way to feel like she is in control. I'm not saying she (or I) shouldn't get her finances together. We all need to do that! My point is, no one is ready for the right person to pop into his/her life. We all want it, we all make excuses for why we don't have it (there are no straight men in SF), we make excuses for why we want to be single (need to get my life together, need to lose weight, etc.), but there are always things we could do better and the right person could come into our lives at any time or never. We have NO control over that.
- With all that said, I do feel like I'm going nowhere. I actually love the "Red Sox Family" that I nanny for, and the ad agency is fine as long as it lasts, but it may only be through October so then I will need another job. I have too much self-awareness to fool myself. I can't just balance my budget and feel in control, if you know what I mean. Plus, I can't seem to balance my budget because I'm not actually making enough money to live on. Whoops... Not sure what will happen when I max out those credit cards. I do kind of feel like I will be ready to go back to school. I think psychology is for me. I just needed a break.
2) In the event that I don't meet anyone, will I be happy being a cat lady? I'm not sure. People always say that is a shallow way of looking at life, and that I can be happy through work/volunteering, etc. I kind of don't think so. Sorry. But I think if I get to be 35 and I'm still single, I might just adopt kids.
- On that topic, where DO you meet people? Seriously. (And I'm not moving to Utah.)
4) I love cooking. I need to do it more. I cooked for 5 hours today and had SUCH a tasty dinner (with my roommate and her bf... I didn't just cook for 5 hours for myself).
5) I cut my hair 4 inches, got bangs and lowlights. I'm not sure if I like it, but I'm stuck with it for 3 months or so. I thought I needed a change. One of my friends is a big proponent of me putting myself out there and making a lot of changes in order to get over my last love, which ended like 6 months ago. Maybe she's right. I think my trying to change to make myself happy is a denial of reality. Then again, I can't stay miserable forever. That just seems stupid.
Okay, I'm sleepy. More later.
2 comments:
I want to see your new hair. No. wait. I want to see you. Call me already woman! I'm doing a kids birthday party Saturday afternoon but the rest of the weekend is free. Or the week for that matter- except we're both sleep deprived and gloria gets up a 4am.
:) I love you, Linds. Very much so!
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