I'm Aliiiive!

I finished fall quarter classes today. Rumor has it that a particular teacher doesn't actually grade our final papers, and I'm hoping that's the case, or I might be getting a highly unfortunate grade in that class. Regardless, it's over.

I never say this about myself, but I actually feel proud that I made it through this quarter. I started out the quarter strong, I was getting everything done, making A's, doing all my reading, and balancing a HUGE case load of clients. And then BAM, I got H1N1 and pneumonia and everything just stopped. I was totally incapacitated for two weeks. I didn't want to freak anyone out or burden anyone, but I can totally see how people die from it. I passed out on my 3rd or 4th day of being sick, probably from being dehydrated after having 103+ fever for so long. That day and the day afterwards, I really did think I might die. I mean, I wasn't exactly what one would call coherent, but through the haze, I was seriously considering that death was a possible outcome. And it really could have been. If I hadn't passed out on the same day that Katie got home, I wouldn't have gotten help, and the doctor said if I hadn't come in, my lung would have collapsed. Plus, my fever was literally frying my brain. I don't think my normal brain function has returned yet, which makes school a struggle. That being said, I got through. I missed two whole weeks of reading and paper-writing and class! I wouldn't say that I finished strong, but I got done. I might not have A+s, but B's get degrees, right? And I just feel so blessed to have gotten through! I feel blessed that I lived through the illness, muchless that I came back and worked 10x as hard to finish my quarter on time. So yes, I'm proud of myself, and I don't mind saying it!

I'm afraid that I might get sick again because I have seriously not been taking care of myself since my return to school. I went from put-together, getting 6+ hours of sleep Lindsey to totally disheveled, sleeping -4 hours per night. Not only that, but I went from working out and eating fairly healthily, to eating burritos and M&Ms and drinking sodas to stay awake. I'm feeling pretty negatively about how I look right now. I swore that by the time New Year's came around this year, I wouldn't need to make a resolution to get healthy, but it's almost here, and this time I have to do it. I can't feel this bad about myself and expect someone else to love me, and with everyone and their mother getting married these days, I'm really starting to wonder if it will ever happen for me...

Annnd so I'm throwing myself into Twilight stuff. New Moon (the movie) couldn't have come out at a better time. I saw it after I wrote my second to last final and then tonight after my last class of the quarter! I'd like to say that I'm not one of those crazy Twi-hards, but I think I am. I mean, I'm not necessarily crazy, but I get very caught up in stories that I can throw myself completely into. It's similar to how Harry Potter and Dawson's Creek got me through my last 3 heartbreaks. I've read all the books at least 3 times, and New Moon being my favorite, I have read (I think) 5 times. My roommate, being practical and rational, thinks that rereading books is absurd, especially when they are so poorly written and silly. But for me, I learn something about different parts of myself every time I reread any book, not just Twilight. And, I think that maybe I am silly. I'm still that little girl who believes in magic and fairy tales and prince charming and that one true all-encompassing love. It's hard to see any of that in my life, but I have to hope for it because if that doesn't exist, what's the point?

You might be wondering if I am Team Edward or Team Jacob. Well, the first time I read the books, I was Team Edward all the way. I read them as though I were Bella. But the more I read, the more and more I love Jacob. So I will say that I am "Team In-Between." For Bella, there is clearly no one else. The pull to Edward is almost a force outside of herself. Petra doesn't like this because she feels like it's magic and not "real love." I think they love each other, but it's so intense that it's almost exhausting. If I had to pick for myself, it would be Jacob. I want someone who is real and present and just loves me. Bella describes Jacob as the Sun. That's who I want. I want someone who lives in the present and literally gives me sunshine on a rainy day, and to me that's magic and Prince Charming. And I hope he's out there and that when he finds me, I'm deserving of him.

All this being said, I have several new musical obsessions, a few of which I will leave for your enjoyment below:

Coldplay - Fix You (The actual music video can't be embedded, so you get the lyrics version).


Taylor Swift - Love Story (I SWORE I would not get on the Swift bandwagon, but my gosh, I love this song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wRkoGKQ8qQ

James Morrison - You Make It Real


Kings of Leon - Use Somebody (Below is the cover by Paramore, which I love a lot, too). I'm generally obsessed with Kings of Leon - all of their songs.


Lykke Li - Possibility (I had to end with something New Moon related, obvs. This song breaks my heart.)