Clearly, I was distraught when writing my last post. I'm better now, don't worry. I needed a couple days of crying and feeling terrible and watching and reading Harry Potter. Harry Potter seriously gets me through everything - breakups, school stress, the quarterlife crisis and now failing the comp. I'm not sure what it is; possibly a combination some DBT coping skills (distraction, imagery, mini-vacation, mindfully attending to one thing) and simply the fact that when all's said and done, failing my comp (or getting broken up with or constant stress and lack of sleep) are really nothing compared to being hunted by the most evil and powerful wizard of all time and his gang of Death Eaters. I'm just sayin...
Anywho, it also helped to get feedback and discover that my failure of the test was little more than differences in style between a couple of the graders (mine went to a tie-breaking 3rd grader) and myself. I'm not incompetent, and in fact performed quite well on almost all domains of the test. People from all around have come out of the woodwork (colleagues, professors, my own therapist) to tell me that they failed their comp and most importantly that it's just another flaming hoop one has to jump through to get through the punishment that is grad school.
At this very moment, I'm procrastinating from my re-study for the next comp administration on Wednesday. (I'm about to complain, feel free to stop reading). I know it's important to study, and I certainly don't want to fail again, but UGH it sucks so much! It's not even the studying, it's the fact that I have to go sit in a room for another 4.5-6 hours (there was a lot of waiting around during the last administration that lengthened the time I expected to be there by about 2 hours) and go through the anxiety and pain of it all again. I'm getting a knot in my stomach just thinking about it.
In other news, I think I'm doing some good work with my clients, and that is always positive, as well as helpful for me to remember in times like these. I love it when clients surprise me in a good way, especially if it's parents of clients, as they are the ones who will ultimately help their children the most!
I wish you could see my bed right now, there are books everywhere - I feel a little bit like Hermione (sorry, I'm on an HP kick, as mentioned before.) with my bookishness. I've never figured out how to upload photos to this thing (to my credit, I have also never tried), but if I had a picture, you would see the following partially-read books strewn around my bed/nightstand and floor:
Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager - Scott P. Sells, Ph.D.
Staying Connected to Your Teenager: How to Keep them Talking to You and How to Hear What They're Really Saying - Michael Riera, Ph.D.
Positive Discipline for Teenagers: Empowering Your Teen and Yourself through Kind and Firm Parenting - Jane Nelsen, Ed.D., Lynn Lott, M.A., M.F.T.
Scream Free Parenting - Hal Edward Runkel, L.M.F.T.
Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder - Marsha M. Linehan, Ph.D.
Women, Food and God - Geneen Roth
Marley and Me - John Grogan
Finished:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling (I think this was my 7th time? Eek, I'm such a freakazoid!)
The Triple Bind - Stephen Hinshaw, Ph.D.
I Am an Emotional Creature - Eve Ensler
Now, I always recommend Harry Potter to anyone, but aside from that, I have to say that The Triple Bind literally changed the way I view... life. It's about adolescent girls and what our culture has done to them, but I think people from my generation can also relate. I HIGHLY recommend this book to any woman, anyone who has daughters (regardless of age), plans on having children in the future, has family/friends/coworkers with daughters or little sisters, works with children or teenagers in any way (Amy, you should read this), etc., etc. It's changed the way I think about myself, my younger cousins, people I grew up with, and especially my clients.
I Am an Emotional Creature was recommended to me by a colleague at practicum - it's also for and about adolescent girls all over the world, written by the same author as the Vagina Monologues. It's a collection of poems and stories, well written, but depressing. I posted my favorite excerpt a few blogs ago, and I feel like that's the one most worth reading unless you are in a depressed kind of mood.
All the parenting books on my list are really so that I can help my clients' parents, and I imagine they will help me to be a better therapist to my clients, as well.
I'll let you know what I think of Women, Food and God when I finish. Right now I think I'm resistant to it, but that's mostly because I know I use food as a means of comfort. It came highly recommended by my best friend.
I'm reading Marley and Me because I loved the movie and also because I read another book by John Grogan called The Longest Trip Home, which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone looking for a book that will make you laugh (a lot) and cry (a little) and think about family, God, life, death and life-after-death.
Anyway, it's nice to be surrounded by books that I'm interested in reading, even if some of them are for work. Now, if I could just pass the comp so that I don't feel guilty about reading them... well, except that then they will serve as procrastination from my dissertation.
Ohhhh procrastination, I suppose I have done enough of that by now, so I leave you with this - totally hilarious and describes my life perfectly!
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
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