sometimes i hate technology

my best friend since birth got engaged tonight and i found out on twitter.  what is the world coming to?

I would just like to know...

What is the point of falling in love with someone if you aren't meant to be with them?

I mean... I feel like with most relationships in my life, I can look back and name some things that I learned.  So those make sense to me, as crappy as they may have ended up being.

But seriously, what is the point of being in love with someone for two and half years if it's not meant to be and I'm not even learning anything from it other than that I am completely incapable of getting over him (Which, let's not lie,  I should have been by about 6 months ago). It's like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me.  It's saying, "Here's exactly the person you always dreamed of and then some, and he might have even loved you for a split second (though this is debatable), but HA HA!  You can't be with him!  Sucks for you!"  Thanks universe, that's really nice of you.

I know that God gives us trials, and in the grand scheme of things, this one isn't that big.  It also doesn't seem right that my voice teacher could lose her husband to a brain tumor when they were happy and should have had 30-40 more years together.  I mean, the world is full of injustices, mine being of little consequence, but I think I struggle with things that I can't put into any perspective or find any purpose in.  This is where people would say I am lacking in Faith, and then I start to feel guilty for feeling this way in the first place.

And that would begin an entirely other blog post.  So I will stop here.

amazing

i was just going through some of my school email and read about one of my professors and his activism in the civil rights movement.  it was because of this man that MLK got a grant to start a literacy project for african americans, and he put himself in several life-threatening situations in his work with MLK.  reading about this makes me wonder what i would have been like if i had lived during that time.  because of my a cappella groups, i have a LOT of african-american friends who i love dearly.  but i wonder if i would have been willing to risk my life and the lives of my family members for their rights back in the day.  i wonder if i would have done something great like my professor, or if i would have gone along with the popularity of segregation and blatant horrible racism.  it's not something i could really know.  it just got me to thinking whether i could ever be that brave or do something that worthwhile and meaningful.

You know, stuff...

So today (or well yesterday, since it is 2am... dang it... Why don't I ever sleep?), Bush left office and Obama began to what I can only describe as a frenzy of ecstatic people.  (I don't know whether to be inspired or frightened by people's reactions today.)

I have nothing against Obama.  He seems like a good enough guys, and his kids are darn cute.  I am really happy that America has a black President, finally.  I think, in that sense, I did feel a part of history today, although I didn't follow the inauguration closely, as I was working.

I have to harp on something, though.  I was just reading reports that people jeered at President Bush and started singing "Na na na na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye," as he departed D.C.  I understand that he was an unpopular President (I would like to mention that he was made unpopular, for the most part, by events he had no control over, but that is another blog).  I know that people actually flat out hate Bush.  I don't hate him.  I never have.  I think he is a good guy who followed his father's footsteps, when maybe that wasn't the best path for him.  But overall, I have always liked him, as a person - just as I like President Obama, as a person.  I don't like EITHER of their politics, but again, that is another blog.  Back to what I am harping on...  I don't care how much people dislike a President, I am still appalled and shocked that people could be so cruel and disrespectful.  This is not a football game, people, this is the President of arguably the greatest country in the world.  Am I just old-fashioned that I abide by the niceties of an older time?  I don't think so.  I have, in the last few years, began to notice a rudeness and disrespect that holds prevalent, not only in my generation, but apparently in all age groups.  Frankly, it really upsets me.  Can anyone explain to me how it could ever be okay to be exceedingly disrespectful to an authority figure, when that person is not a crackpot like Hitler or Bin Laden?  I would love for someone to comment on this.

Moving on from that, I wrote the first part of one of my practicum placement essays.  It's all about Exeter, surprise surprise, but I find the more and more I think about who I am and the beliefs I hold, I come back to my experiences there.  I feel incredibly blessed to have gone there and I really hope I can work there one day (after I am married...  Again, that would take another blog to explain.)

And, finally, the cutest thing EVER happened today.  Patrick, the 4th grader in the family I babysit, will be turning 10 this Friday.  Now, he is having a sleepover on Saturday night with his 4 best friends, but Friday, being his actual birthday, is a family dinner and present-opening party.  His mother told him he was allowed to invited one guest of honor to attend the family celebrations.  He asked me to be that person.  I said, "Packman, are you sure you want to invite me?"  He replied, "Yeah, my birthday wouldn't be the same without you.  You are like family."  And that, my friends, is what makes living off raman noodles totally worth it.

Stress

I am not gonna lie, I am a bit stressed.  That might be putting it lightly, actually.  I am insanely stressed.  I was hoping that 2009 would get better, and I mean, it has in some ways, I suppose, but AHH!

I stayed up all night working on practicum applications, and I didn't even get one full one done. My CV is terrible.  I have no research experience. I don't have enough recommenders, and none of them are emailing me back.  And basically whatever I do for practicum determines what my internship will be, and whatever my internship is DETERMINES MY ENTIRE CAREER!  No pressure, right?  Ugh!

Facebook Hacker and New Years Story

Okay, I know only about 3 people read this blog, but in the event that other people come across it, MY FACEBOOK HAS BEEN HACKED! Do not talk to this jerk off pretending to be me and asking for money. I am not in London. I have not been robbed. DO NOT WIRE ANYONE MONEY WHO IS ASKING FOR IT OVER FACEBOOK! UGH! THIS IS SUCH A NIGHTMARE!!!

Now that I have gotten that taken care of, I must share a story about how stupid guys are.

So New Year's Eve, I was out with Tara and various others at this restaurant/bar place in Oakland that was sort of pathetically empty. But we stayed there because a friend was bartending. Well, around 1am this guy came in... Unattractive, clearly intoxicated. He sat down next to me (my feet were in pain, plus the only people on the dance floor were about 60 and the music was not really good for dancing). So basically, he's blatently hitting on me and I'm blatently not interested. After about 20 minutes, the ridiculousness insued:

Joe: Are you a lesbian?
Me: What?! No, do I come off that way?
Joe: No, but I've been hitting on you for half an hour and you aren't responding.
Me: Well, there's a more obvious reason for that than assuming I'm gay.
Joe: Really what's that?
Me: Umm... Sorry, but I'm just not interested.
Joe: In men? I knew it!
Me: NO! I mean, YES I am interested in men! Just not YOU!
Joe: No, that can't be it.
Me: (GASP! SHOCKED LOOK!) Umm, right. Whatever you say. (I excused myself to the bathroom, then proceeded to sit with Tara and Chris such that he would have no possibility of sitting with us.)

Talk about not taking a hint. He couldn't even take it straightforwardly! GEEZ LOUISE!

Why do crazy people find me? Why am I the person whose identity gets stolen and whose facebook gets hacked? I don't want to complain, but I'm just wondering. If someone can just tell me what vibe I send out that makes crazy people flock to me (or try to BE me), please let me know!

Note: The New Year's Eve story has been edited and embellished for length/humor's sake. The majority of it, however, is true. And so goes my crazy life. (This will definitely be in my book, Guys are Idiots).

New Years

So last night I had an epiphany that this new year I would like to try things that are out of my comfort zone. I'm way too cautious. I want to learn to snowboard. I want to go hiking (eek, maybe that will be later in the year). I want to go out more. I want to talk to strangers. I want to do something somewhat reckless... not too reckless, just a little bit. I haven't really figured out the reckless bit, yet. Maybe it's more that I want to be more spontaneous. I think that would be good for me... I'm pretty sure I set similar goals last year... Hmm...

Other goals:
Lose weight (as usual)
Get my dissertation ready to propose by the fall...
Be a better person
Love people more
Be more patient
Practice Piano daily
Start writing lyrics again
Work on my book (Guys are Idiots) - yes, it's going to be FABULOUS

That's all I've got for now. I'm not feeling very reflective at the moment. Perhaps I will amend this post later.

Happy New Year!