Really interesting article on kids' exposure to Rated R movies and drinking habits: http://dms.dartmouth.edu/news/2010/04/26_tanski.shtml
I definitely didn't watch Rated R movies, even in high school. I wonder if this is one of the reasons I never had the desire to drink/use drugs/do anything out of line as an adolescent?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Boundaries on the Internet
And here I am posting a public blog about it.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/29/AR2010032902942.html
Here's what I posted when I first read this:
It is interesting. I think I fall into the younger therapist category that thinks it's less harmful than people are making it out to be. On the other hand, I don't work or intend to work with people who I would worry about seeing my FB profile (with that said, my profile is very private).
The last quote about patients seeing the therapist as only existing in the context of therapy and the internet ruining that is totally counterintuitive to how I approach therapy. If the adolescents I work with don't see me as a real person with a life, there's no way for me to get through to them. As it is, I use a lot of disclosure and I'm very transparent with them. I find that this allows teens to trust me, while recognizing my fallibility, allowing for quicker and easier repairs of ruptures.
I also Facebook my adolescent clients (but not my adults), both to see if they are lying to me (which 14 year olds tend to do), and also out of curiosity, which this article is making me question. I feel like it always informs treatment, though, even if it's just finding common interests, so I can get a kid's buy-in to my credibility (in the sense that they believe I can understand their lives). I also discuss the internet with my adolescents a LOT, because so much of their drama comes from the internet. I allow them to pull up their profiles and those of their friends, as well as email conversations or text messages. I agree with one of the quotes that if the work can be done IN SESSION, it's even better. Or at least, it doesn't feel sneaky or unethical.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/29/AR2010032902942.html
Here's what I posted when I first read this:
It is interesting. I think I fall into the younger therapist category that thinks it's less harmful than people are making it out to be. On the other hand, I don't work or intend to work with people who I would worry about seeing my FB profile (with that said, my profile is very private).
The last quote about patients seeing the therapist as only existing in the context of therapy and the internet ruining that is totally counterintuitive to how I approach therapy. If the adolescents I work with don't see me as a real person with a life, there's no way for me to get through to them. As it is, I use a lot of disclosure and I'm very transparent with them. I find that this allows teens to trust me, while recognizing my fallibility, allowing for quicker and easier repairs of ruptures.
I also Facebook my adolescent clients (but not my adults), both to see if they are lying to me (which 14 year olds tend to do), and also out of curiosity, which this article is making me question. I feel like it always informs treatment, though, even if it's just finding common interests, so I can get a kid's buy-in to my credibility (in the sense that they believe I can understand their lives). I also discuss the internet with my adolescents a LOT, because so much of their drama comes from the internet. I allow them to pull up their profiles and those of their friends, as well as email conversations or text messages. I agree with one of the quotes that if the work can be done IN SESSION, it's even better. Or at least, it doesn't feel sneaky or unethical.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Question
I really need to start writing more (for my own sanity), but there are some things that I would like to write and keep private or only post to certain friends. Does anyone know if this is possible on this website?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Extending the School Day
http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/03/16/feinberg.longer.schoolday/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn
So I posted this article on facebook, and my friend responded with this:
completely agree. our students spend less time in school than they would if they lived in almost any other developed country. then we complain about why they aren't keeping up, blame it on them, and pour money into schools to try to fix it. our school schedules are based on a time when students had to help their parents harvest crops. doesn't really make sense for people who live in New York City, and as of recently the population of the US has shifted from predominantly rural to predominantly urban.
keeping kids in school longer each day and for more days per year would solve the problems that families face when both parents work (or in single-parent households with one worker) and kids have nobody to look after them. and then there won't be a 2-month-long summer that necessitates camps and babysitters and other ways of keeping kids out of trouble. so keep them in school from 7 to 5, with recess so they don't get fat, 45-minute lunches so they can eat and socialize without feeling rushed (also helps with weight control), etc. etc. on top of all of that, they'll learn more and better retain what they've learned. and that's the end of my rant.
Here's my response:
Hmm... It's funny because I completely disagree. What about the kids who have it together (or who's families have it together)? What about extracurriculars? When are kids supposed to develop talents? I had dance, cheerleading or gymnastics rehearsals every day after school until 8 or 9 o'clock by the time I was in middle school. Couldn't have done that if I had school until 5! Also, 7am? Are you joking? Do you know that teenagers need 12-14 hours of sleep per night? That kind of schedule doesn't allow for life, at least not a healthy one.
Further, teachers get paid NOTHING and work like dogs (well the good ones do, anyway), although I'd argue that most teachers aren't great because few really awesome/inspiring people stay in an occupation where they are underpaid and under-appreciated. That's the problem with our school system. You can't extend the school day and school year without at least doubling the teacher's salary.
Lastly, we have the most stressed and depressed kids of any time period in this country. In the last year, 7 kids have committed suicide on the train tracks by my house! This is partially attributed to the pressure of the high school they attend/the community we live in. All these kids are expected to be geniuses and go to Harvard. Not everyone is meant to be academic.
Now if schools were changed to fit a "Multiple Intelligences" model, including excellent art and performing arts, and sports programs (akin to what parents pay for outside of school, since there would be no time for their kids to have it outside) as well as encouraging students to find what they are good at, be that math or car mechanics, fine. The odds of that actually happening are nonexistent.
I'm interested in seeing healthy, social, well-adjusted kids, and I don't feel like extending the school day or year promotes this, with the exception of some cases, such as inner-city kids with little opportunity or family support, but I feel like a specific population can be targeted, vs. the entire public school system.
That said, the public school system needs a complete overhaul.
What do y'all think?
So I posted this article on facebook, and my friend responded with this:
completely agree. our students spend less time in school than they would if they lived in almost any other developed country. then we complain about why they aren't keeping up, blame it on them, and pour money into schools to try to fix it. our school schedules are based on a time when students had to help their parents harvest crops. doesn't really make sense for people who live in New York City, and as of recently the population of the US has shifted from predominantly rural to predominantly urban.
keeping kids in school longer each day and for more days per year would solve the problems that families face when both parents work (or in single-parent households with one worker) and kids have nobody to look after them. and then there won't be a 2-month-long summer that necessitates camps and babysitters and other ways of keeping kids out of trouble. so keep them in school from 7 to 5, with recess so they don't get fat, 45-minute lunches so they can eat and socialize without feeling rushed (also helps with weight control), etc. etc. on top of all of that, they'll learn more and better retain what they've learned. and that's the end of my rant.
Here's my response:
Hmm... It's funny because I completely disagree. What about the kids who have it together (or who's families have it together)? What about extracurriculars? When are kids supposed to develop talents? I had dance, cheerleading or gymnastics rehearsals every day after school until 8 or 9 o'clock by the time I was in middle school. Couldn't have done that if I had school until 5! Also, 7am? Are you joking? Do you know that teenagers need 12-14 hours of sleep per night? That kind of schedule doesn't allow for life, at least not a healthy one.
Further, teachers get paid NOTHING and work like dogs (well the good ones do, anyway), although I'd argue that most teachers aren't great because few really awesome/inspiring people stay in an occupation where they are underpaid and under-appreciated. That's the problem with our school system. You can't extend the school day and school year without at least doubling the teacher's salary.
Lastly, we have the most stressed and depressed kids of any time period in this country. In the last year, 7 kids have committed suicide on the train tracks by my house! This is partially attributed to the pressure of the high school they attend/the community we live in. All these kids are expected to be geniuses and go to Harvard. Not everyone is meant to be academic.
Now if schools were changed to fit a "Multiple Intelligences" model, including excellent art and performing arts, and sports programs (akin to what parents pay for outside of school, since there would be no time for their kids to have it outside) as well as encouraging students to find what they are good at, be that math or car mechanics, fine. The odds of that actually happening are nonexistent.
I'm interested in seeing healthy, social, well-adjusted kids, and I don't feel like extending the school day or year promotes this, with the exception of some cases, such as inner-city kids with little opportunity or family support, but I feel like a specific population can be targeted, vs. the entire public school system.
That said, the public school system needs a complete overhaul.
What do y'all think?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My Calling
Today I had a great day doing therapy with the adolescents I see, as well as my one adult client. There are a lot of days (most days, actually) as a graduate student in training that you really just feel as though you don't know what the heck you are doing! This can be very disheartening at times, especially for someone, like myself, who gets exceptionally invested in her clients. I LOVE the kids I see, and I worry about them, and I worry if I am doing anything at all to help them.
Well, today was one of those days where everything came together. I can't go into details about why due to confidentiality, but let's just say that for every client I saw today, I know that I personally made a difference. I got doubly affirmed when I had dinner with one of my old classmates: She worked in the same site as me last year and actually worked with some of the same kids at the same middle school. This middle school is notoriously hard to navigate and get referrals, and I really am not sure how I have managed it, but I love it and get along swimmingly with the faculty and staff. The kids also really connect with me, which I knew on some level, but my friend couldn't believe how far I had come with some of her old clients and how most of my clients will come up and talk to me during lunch or brunch when anyone can see them talking to me. I knew this was a big deal when it started happening a few months ago, but I didn't realize to what extent until I had this conversation tonight. It was nice to hear from a friend and colleague, who has had the same practicum in the same setting as me say that I have "a gift," and the best part is that I knew she really meant it, and as we discussed it, I felt it was true in my bones. That's definitely one of the top 5 best feelings in the world.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though grad school is trying to kill me, my immune system is a total failure, my sleep debt will never be paid off, (and I'm not sure about my money debt either!) and most days are infinitely more frustrating and not this great therapy-wise, I know in the end it will be worth it. To feel that I am literally changing the trajectory of someone's life... multiple peoples lives, actually... And that someone on the outside looking in can see it... That is the best affirmation I could ever have!
Well, today was one of those days where everything came together. I can't go into details about why due to confidentiality, but let's just say that for every client I saw today, I know that I personally made a difference. I got doubly affirmed when I had dinner with one of my old classmates: She worked in the same site as me last year and actually worked with some of the same kids at the same middle school. This middle school is notoriously hard to navigate and get referrals, and I really am not sure how I have managed it, but I love it and get along swimmingly with the faculty and staff. The kids also really connect with me, which I knew on some level, but my friend couldn't believe how far I had come with some of her old clients and how most of my clients will come up and talk to me during lunch or brunch when anyone can see them talking to me. I knew this was a big deal when it started happening a few months ago, but I didn't realize to what extent until I had this conversation tonight. It was nice to hear from a friend and colleague, who has had the same practicum in the same setting as me say that I have "a gift," and the best part is that I knew she really meant it, and as we discussed it, I felt it was true in my bones. That's definitely one of the top 5 best feelings in the world.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though grad school is trying to kill me, my immune system is a total failure, my sleep debt will never be paid off, (and I'm not sure about my money debt either!) and most days are infinitely more frustrating and not this great therapy-wise, I know in the end it will be worth it. To feel that I am literally changing the trajectory of someone's life... multiple peoples lives, actually... And that someone on the outside looking in can see it... That is the best affirmation I could ever have!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Some Thoughts
"If one is to love oneself, one must behave in ways that one can admire." -Irvin Yalom
That's one of my favorite quotes, probably because I believe in the truth of it so whole-heartedly. I see kids who make really unfortunate choices and they can't understand why they are so unhappy - they just are. They THINK they admire the behaviors they engage in, but they don't quite yet comprehend that admirable behaviors are not synonymous with "cool," particularly in adolescence.
I find self-love quite difficult to attain and maintain, perhaps because I live by this quote a little too stringently. I often find myself disappointed with my actions, despite the fact that they aren't objectively bad or problematic. I generally feel that my best is not good enough. Recently, I have been feeling particularly disappointed in myself. For the first time in about 3 years, I made a choice that was not just subjectively, but objectively poor, although most of my friends think I'm being stupid and making a big deal out of something that is not. That brings me back to the Yalom quote. Regardless of what others think, I have to behave in a way that I ADMIRE in order to love myself.
Of course, I encourage my clients to forgive themselves and not dwell on past actions that they are unable to change, and yet I cannot do that myself. Why am I harder on myself than other people?
Okay, I'm rambling. More later... or not. Who knows?
That's one of my favorite quotes, probably because I believe in the truth of it so whole-heartedly. I see kids who make really unfortunate choices and they can't understand why they are so unhappy - they just are. They THINK they admire the behaviors they engage in, but they don't quite yet comprehend that admirable behaviors are not synonymous with "cool," particularly in adolescence.
I find self-love quite difficult to attain and maintain, perhaps because I live by this quote a little too stringently. I often find myself disappointed with my actions, despite the fact that they aren't objectively bad or problematic. I generally feel that my best is not good enough. Recently, I have been feeling particularly disappointed in myself. For the first time in about 3 years, I made a choice that was not just subjectively, but objectively poor, although most of my friends think I'm being stupid and making a big deal out of something that is not. That brings me back to the Yalom quote. Regardless of what others think, I have to behave in a way that I ADMIRE in order to love myself.
Of course, I encourage my clients to forgive themselves and not dwell on past actions that they are unable to change, and yet I cannot do that myself. Why am I harder on myself than other people?
Okay, I'm rambling. More later... or not. Who knows?
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Decade
I'm not going to lie: New Years kind of bums me out. I think part of it is that I start back to school on Monday, and I know the next two quarters are going to wreak havoc on my personal happiness and suck my soul dry so it's difficult for me to get too excited about 2010.
I went back and read my blogs for 2009, and one good thing that happened sometime between last February and now. Last February I wrote: "...what is the point of being in love with someone for two and half years if it's not meant to be and I'm not even learning anything from it other than that I am completely incapable of getting over him (Which, let's not lie, I should have been by about 6 months ago). It's like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me..." And I'm happy to say that I'm totally over him. I'm not sure exactly when that happened, but thank God it did! Phew, what a terrible time - I am glad that's over.
My new obsession is the TV show Friday Night Lights. Mariah gave me the first season for Christmas, and I've already watched through season 3! It's honestly the best TV show I've ever seen. It makes me think that I might consider applying to internship in Texas. If I was in Austin with Heather and Amy, that could be pretty cool. Buuut, I'm still hoping for East or West coast. Actually, I'm just hoping to GET an internship. AHH!
New Years Resolutions:
Be more organized
Clean more often
Work out at least 4 times a week
Eat healthier and plan meals/snacks
Get a practicum at a college counseling and psych services center
Propose AND defend my dissertation
Be a better person
Find someone to kiss on NYE 2011
Decade Hopes:
All of the above
Graduate in 2012
Become a licensed Psychologist
Have a job that pays well and I enjoy
Buy a home
Get married (read: find a man)
Have a kid or two
Become the type of person I imagine being "when I grow up" (Respectful and respectable, forgiving, open-hearted and loving, giving and responsible)
I went back and read my blogs for 2009, and one good thing that happened sometime between last February and now. Last February I wrote: "...what is the point of being in love with someone for two and half years if it's not meant to be and I'm not even learning anything from it other than that I am completely incapable of getting over him (Which, let's not lie, I should have been by about 6 months ago). It's like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me..." And I'm happy to say that I'm totally over him. I'm not sure exactly when that happened, but thank God it did! Phew, what a terrible time - I am glad that's over.
My new obsession is the TV show Friday Night Lights. Mariah gave me the first season for Christmas, and I've already watched through season 3! It's honestly the best TV show I've ever seen. It makes me think that I might consider applying to internship in Texas. If I was in Austin with Heather and Amy, that could be pretty cool. Buuut, I'm still hoping for East or West coast. Actually, I'm just hoping to GET an internship. AHH!
New Years Resolutions:
Be more organized
Clean more often
Work out at least 4 times a week
Eat healthier and plan meals/snacks
Get a practicum at a college counseling and psych services center
Propose AND defend my dissertation
Be a better person
Find someone to kiss on NYE 2011
Decade Hopes:
All of the above
Graduate in 2012
Become a licensed Psychologist
Have a job that pays well and I enjoy
Buy a home
Get married (read: find a man)
Have a kid or two
Become the type of person I imagine being "when I grow up" (Respectful and respectable, forgiving, open-hearted and loving, giving and responsible)
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