26

I feel like an adult.

Yes, I realize that I probably should have been feeling this way for the last 8 years or so, if we're going strictly by age and law, but it's only recently that I have really felt like an adult.

A few nights ago, I was talking to a friend who was telling me about his dating drama and the partying that goes on in his life. I found myself getting annoyed that he is still doing the things he was talking about because it just seems so much like college life. And it hit me: I am over college life. I think it was harder for me to move on from it because I went straight into graduate school and my expectations were for it to be like college, and it wasn't. So, I joined an a cappella group, and I continued living my college-esque life. Of course, my college life is not akin to many - I never REALLY partied - but I stayed up all hours of the night, I procrastinated, I fell in love with and got my heart broken by cool, good-looking jackasses.

I was unhappy and totally burnt out in school, so I took this year off. I sang with my a cappella group, but increasingly became more annoyed by the lack of organization and planning and the general maturity level of those involved. My job involves playing with kids - not something that really makes one feel grown up. I mean, I go to work in Red Sox Ts, no make-up and my hair in a ponytail, and I play baseball, paint, and watch Little Einsteins. But something about being out of school, stepping back, getting perspective, caring for children and maybe just getting older has made me feel like a (somewhat) responsible adult.

I think as I embark upon this new school year with a new cohort and a new outlook, I might take it in as an adult, rather than as a kid longing for my college days. I think that perhaps that's where all of my frustration and sadness was coming from. I was in an adult's world, surrounded by adults (ones who were older than myself) pretending to be someone that I just wasn't yet, but now I'm there. Now I'm ready.

In my defense, there are studies that say the part of the brain that organizes, prioritizes (i.e., keeps a person from procrastinating), and plans isn't totally developed until 25-26, so maybe my brain just needed to catch up and get with the program. :) This also explains why people who do drugs and drink heavily in college never develop the ability to fully see the consequences of their actions and/or have impulse control or organizational difficulties.

I'll update on whether I still feel like an adult once I'm back in classes, but I am optimistic that I will. Just my saying that word - optimistic - shows how much I have changed. A year ago, I would have said, "I'm afraid I'm becoming an adult." Of course, I'm not giving up my incessant dreaming or my pink kitchen/bedroom. I'll just have to be an adult with a love affair for all things pink, Disney, or related to classic/fairy-tale love stories, which I still completely believe in. :)