Who Are You Grateful For?

The last thing in the world I should be doing right now is writing a blog post, but I've neglected my 3 followers for way too long! :)

A couple of weeks ago, I befriended one of my favorite teachers of all time on Facebook. It wasn't necessarily what this teacher taught me, but her ability to relate to me and the vested interest she took in me during those crucial adolescent years. I had her as a teacher from 7-10th grade - she taught in our gifted and talented program.

Anyway, I think about this teacher a lot, especially when I'm doing therapy with my adolescent clients. I try to remember what made this teacher so awesome and made me feel ::seen:: by her and recreate that same feeling in my therapy sessions. So when she facebook friended me, I thought it would be a good opportunity to let her know that she really impacted me, and really she still influences me and the work that I do. So, I wrote her a facebook message and went on my merry way. Honestly, I assumed every one of her old students had told her at some point what an impact she made because we ALL loved her. My friends from home and I STILL talk about her. But she wrote back and said that she cried reading my letter and she never knew she had such an impact. I thought a few things: 1) I know that other people feel the same way about it and not only can I not believe that people don't tell her all the time how much they appreciate her, but how sad that they don't! and 2) So many people from my past still impact my life for good in the present - I should really let them know, and 3) I realized it often takes having many years perspective to have insight on just how much someone effects you. This teacher definitely knew that I loved her to death in middle and high school, but she really couldn't have known that, 11 years later, I am still so grateful!

I have been working with a population recently that really doesn't have many things to be grateful for - their lives have been horrific, and sometimes I wonder how they have managed not to give up entirely. I've realized that many of these clients haven't had any sort of role model, mentor, or even a positive adult figure in their lives. It seems so unfair that they have had no one, and I have had so many, but it really makes me appreciate who I have been blessed to know.

So, I'm starting a gratefulness project, and once per week, I write an email or facebook message to someone who really impacted my life in some way, even if it was just for a short period of time and even if they don't remember me. So far, the greatest pleasure has been getting it all out, realizing just how much they meant to me, and sharing just how special they are to me. I finish my letter, and I feel soooo grateful. It puts me in such a positive space. This past week, I wrote a college professor, who I know didn't remember me, but he really changed my life and how I view the world and has a daily impact on what I do in therapy with my clients. I expected a message back from my high school teacher, who's known me forever and knows my family, but I did not expect (or need) a message back from this professor. I just wanted to let him know that he makes a difference. But wow, his letter back brought me to tears. Again, I KNOW this professor is LOVED at Tufts - all of my friends who took his classes still talk about him. In fact, while I was on vacation, Ashley and I spent an hour discussing what we learned in his class and how it informs our work. But it seems that no one shares these things with him! Here is an excerpt from his letter:
Lindsey! Your kind words brought tears to my eyes! Really! THANK YOU so much for taking the time to write me and share your memories with me. I have NEVER received such a wonderful letter from a student and you should know that your letter has made me rejoice that I am a teacher. As a teacher, I know that I have the potential to influence, in ways both great and small, the course of someone's life. Your marvelous letter is excellent confirmation! THANK YOU SO MUCH. I will cherish your words forever.
I'm still in shock that a) he wrote back - this man is BUSY and b) he doesn't get letters like this all the time because I KNOW every student who takes his class feels similarly to me. But I guess... it took me 11 years to write my high school teacher and 4 years to write my college professor, so maybe people just put it off, think it's unimportant or never reflect back on those influential people - I'm not sure.

But I do know that it makes me feel good to reflect on all the people who have impacted me significantly in a positive way. So far in my gratefulness project, those people are teachers, but I know for others they are bishops, priests, grandparents, babysitters, neighbors, etc., and I also fully intend to contact people who are not teachers. It just so happens that I fell into this gratefulness exercise by contacting a teacher. It's also pointed out to me that people ALWAYS appreciate being told they mean something to you, and why do we hold those things in? Why not take being grateful one step further and share with those we are grateful for what they mean in our lives?

So, that's my challenge to myself and to you, if you'd like to take it on. Email or write one person who you are grateful for every week and tell her/him exactly how much s/he mean to you. Don't expect a response, just be mindful of the gratefulness you feel and recognize how luck you are to have had that particular person in your life. If they do respond, it's an added bonus.