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I've been meaning to update since I got back from the interview circuit, but I've somehow managed to be sick since I got back and couldn't muster the energy necessary to blog - pathetic, huh?  Don't worry, this was no swine flu, just a really long lingering cold that is still bothering me. I have always had a bad immune system, and I'm usually anemic when my blood gets checked, but lately I've really been thinking about how I contribute to this. When I was sick last weekend, I went back and was reading my Livejournal entries from high school and college, and I've realized that I have completely let myself go. While I have never been happy with my weight/figure/general looks, I realized just from looking at my old journal entries that I used to work out in some capacity almost every day (dance, cheerleading, if nothing else, just walking around campus). It was part of my lifestyle, and somehow since I came to grad school, I've let that go. This has obviously contributed to weight gain and growing unhappiness with my appearance, but I believe it has also been a major factor in the frequency and duration of my illnesses, not to mention contributing to... not a depression or dysthymia, but perhaps a dulled outlook on life. As Elle Woods so nicely put it, "Exercise creates endorphins. Endorphins make you happy." It's true, too. People who exercise 45 minutes a few days a week have more serotonin in their brains than people who take antidepressants. I haven't exactly figured out what I'm going to do about this. Most days I have to leave my house by 7:30am to get to my practicum placements, which means I need to be in the shower by 6:30, 6:15 if I really want to look put together. That means, I'd need to work out starting between 5-5:30am depending on what I did/where it was located. I know myself well enough to know that this will never happen. I am not committed enough. I don't sleep enough. I am not ever going to be a morning person. That means I need to work out when I get off from work, which also becomes tricky.  I think if I had a gym membership, it might be better, but most days when I leave work (around 6-7ish), it's dark, I'm exhausted, I'm hungry, and if I come home, I'm not going out again. I'm rambling, but you see my dilemma? I really do feel like something must change in order for me to live a healthier, happier life. I read an article that I got from one of my various email newsletters (Daily Fit Tip, Ladies Home Journal, etc.) about how to become a morning person. It struck a chord with me, but I have yet to put it into action because I have been sick. I'm hoping this week I can start with one of the suggestions, which is to wake up in the morning and go for a walk, just around the block. This sounds reasonable to me. I'd have to get up at 6 instead of 6:15, rather than 5am for a whole work out. Apparently just getting that little amount of walking in helps with energy levels throughout the day and will actually make you more likely to walk more throughout the day and/or work out in the evening. So this week, I'm just going to try that one thing, assuming it's not raining cats as dogs, like it is right now.

Now, on to my travels. Just to remind you, I can't state in a public fashion how I will be ranking my internship sites, so if you want to know that information, you'll have to ask me privately. My first flight was down to Long Beach, where my dear friend, Vicki, picked me up and drove me up to Santa Monica to meet up with our friends, Nicole and Nick (they're married). We had a delightful lunch together and it was really nice spending time with two of my closer friends from my original cohort. Nicole and I braved the rain and cold (in LA - what?!) to see the movie How Do You Know that evening, which was really helpful for keeping my my nerves at bay, since my first interview was the next morning at Saint John's Child and Family Development Center, where Nicole is currently interning. My interview went well, I think. Of course, I thought of all things I could have/should have said afterwards, but honestly, I didn't say anything stupid and I felt a real connection with the people I interviewed with. I could really imagine myself working there, which was a nice feeling. There was an Open House/information session the next day, which I will be the first to admit was extremely intimidating. The candidates they interviewed were all exceptional, and I couldn't help but wonder how I managed to make it into that group and wonder if after interviews they would even be considering me anymore. But, it was a good experience, and the current interns and faculty seem extremely happy. For me, there were no drawbacks to the internship program. In fact, I LOVED it. I'm hesitant of living in Southern California for a plethora of reasons that could be (and probably will be) a whole post in and of itself, but mainly because of the expense and the constant feeling of not being skinny/pretty/hip enough to live there.  Anywho, after the open house, I borrowed my brother's car and drove down to Orange County (it took me 3 hours to drive 30 miles - another drawback to So-Cal). I stayed with Vicki and her family, who are Greek and wonderful! I really love many aspects the Greek culture, so I particularly enjoy staying with Vicki's family. And thank goodness I knew someone who had driven to Western Youth Services, where my interview was the next day. Vicki knows all the short cuts and cut my commute from 2 hours the next morning to 25 minutes just by taking toll roads, which Google Maps does not take you on! I had 3 interviews at WYS, and I felt decent about them, but really good about the one with the training director, which I'm hoping is the most important! If I end up there, I think I will live in Anaheim so I can go to Disneyland (with my annual pass that I will be purchasing if I end up in So-Cal) any day of the week! It would also be really nice to live close to Vicki again. She's one of my only single friends left, and we always have a great time together! After my WYS interview, I drove back up to my brother's place and bonded with his girlfriend for a while. We all went to my brother's restaurant for dinner that night, and it was scrumptious! Wow! Seriously delicious! I think Kyle really hopes I match to a SoCal site so that we can spend more time together. Well, that's what he said anyway. It would be nice. We used to be really close, and I'd like it if we were again. I also feel like I could influence him in a positive way because he is absurdly pessimistic and really lets negative thinking get the best of him. Of course, I suppose he could influence me in a negative way, but I think because I'm used to this type of thinking from my clients, I don't let it get to me as much as I might have a few years ago.

So, after my SoCal interviews, which were mostly cold and rainy (I seriously bring bad weather to LA every time I go), I flew overnight on JetBlue to Boston. I arrived at Logan, and the first thing I saw was Dunkin' Donuts and everyone wearing Red Sox paraphernalia! It was AWESOME! I caught the Concord Trails bus first to South Station and then up to Manchester. When we were leaving Logan and heading to South Station, we came out of a tunnel and there was Boston. It was freezing, but the sun was so bright and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The way the light hit the buildings created such a beautiful scene. I was completely filled with joy at that moment, so much so that I started crying. Okay, part of that may have been the 3 hours of sleep I was running on and the fact that I was PMSing like crazy. But I really and truly love Boston like no other place! Anyway, Jecca picked me up in Manchestah, New Hampshah, and I couldn't believe what a peanut she was. She's lost an insane amount of weight - so much so that I wanted to feed her a whole pizza. But actually, she has a very small frame, and being thin really suits her. She dropped me off at her parents house, which was always my home away from home during my time at Exeter and at Tufts, and her mom insisted that I take a nap. So, I tucked myself in and slept until it was time to get ready for the wedding rehearsal. The church was BEAUTIFUL. Jecca told me it looked like a cross between Exeter's church and something at Hogwarts, and that's a most accurate description. The priest was also British and wore Harry Potter-esque glasses, which was fabulous! Skipping to the next afternoon, Jecca called me into the parlor of the church to help her put on the veil. I couldn't believe it - she was in a sparkly princess wedding dress! Literally, something I would pick out! Jecca! The biggest tom-boy ever! It was amazing! She looked GORGEOUS! I thought seeing her before the wedding and getting some tears out then would lessen the tears at the actual event, but I was wrong. I went up to do my reading (From a House of Stone, by Carmen Bugan), and I only got through the first 3 lines before I started BAWLING! Never again will I do a reading for someone's wedding. Holy cannoli, I barely got through the thing, and apparently my crying sounds like "chirping." I read the first couple lines and then I looked up at Jecca and Jon because I wanted to read it to them, but that was a mistake. Seeing Jecca there in her dress just overwhelmed me! But aside from my blubbering and then pretty much sprinting off the podium, which Jecca says was her favorite part of the wedding, it was probably the most beautiful wedding I've been to. It was very intimate - only 30 people - and the ceremony was just perfect. I would want more people and more music, but the church, the priest, the traditional vows - it was just so nice. I, of course, cried through its entirety and remained embarrassed at the reception and the brunch that was held at Jecca's parents' house the next day. It was great spending so much time with Jecca's family because they essentially adopted me when I came to Exeter, and I really just love them. Jecca's littlest sister is now 16 and reminds me SO much of Jecca when we were in high school. And her other sister, who is just a year or so younger than us, has always been someone who I thought I would be very close friends with if given the chance to really spend time with her. It made me hope that I end up in New Hampshire so I can strengthen the bonds I have with the people there, whom I love.

I interviewed at Riverbend Community Mental Health the day after the brunch, and it was a long interview day, but really good. Their Adolescent program really is the perfect fit for what I want to do with my life/what I want my training to be. I really enjoyed the supervisors, training director and the CEO, who I randomly interviewed with. That was my best interview, so I hope that's a good thing. He told me I was "refreshing." ha. Riverbend was a place I could imagine staying at for years, and I really liked that. Concord is also a really cute town, but I'm not sure if I'd live there or in Manchester or near the Seacoast if I intern there. Again, I felt like the interview applicants were all really phenomenal, and I can only hope that I made myself stand out (in a good way) amongst them.  That night, Jecca's mom drove her sister and me back to Boston, where Ashley picked me up! I introduced Ashley's sister and Jecca's sister, which worked out perfectly because I think they would be BFFs if they got to know each other! But anyway, Ashley surprised me the next day with a massage, which was amazing and exactly what I needed. The massage therapist's reaction to my back was, "Woah, what the heck have you been doing?" He asked if I had made any New Year's resolutions and told me I NEEDED to resolve to do yoga 4-5 times a week because he's never seen anyone's back look as bad as mine. Tying that back to my first paragraph, I do want to incorporate yoga into my life. Just need to figure out an inexpensive way to do it. That night after our massages, the snow started. My flight was canceled for the next day and Ashley didn't have to go into work. It was great! We spent the entire day together, inside of course, but the snow was really beautiful to look at from inside where it was warm! Boston has gotten an insane amount of snow this year! As always, it was bittersweet saying goodbye to Ashley, but at the same time, I was getting tired of living out of a suitcase and leaving meant I was one step closer to getting back home.

I waited in the airport ALL DAY to get to Kansas City. I also had an emergency phone session with a client. Awesome, airport therapy. (Note the sarcasm). The reality of my being gone for so long really sank in that day, making me even more anxious to get home to my clients, but also making me realize that it is going to be really hard for me to leave some of the kids I have been working with for the last year and a half. I've really grown to love them and I want to help them with every fiber of my being, and I think I have. I hope so, anyway.

So, I got to Kansas City around midnight. My friend, Jenn, picked me up and was so nice to let me stay with her. She lives in this really cool loft, in an old historic building in Kansas City. Of course, I didn't get to sleep until around 2am, and got up at 6am, so my interview at KUMC was probably not my best. The interns seem happy there, though, and the training director seemed to really like me. I actually loved Kansas City, which I was not expecting. I thought it was just a really neat place, with a lot of history and character. Jenn and I went to a jazz club that night, and this old man played the trumpet, sang, and tap danced the night away. It was my kind of entertainment, for sure! Of course, then Jenn and I went back and listened to a cappella music for hours because Jenn is an even bigger a cappella nerd than me, something that is truly hard to come by. Overall, I had a really good time in KC, but I was not sad to leave, especially because Kansas was colder than Boston! But mostly because by this time I was so absurdly ready to get home!

Then, of course, I got sick. And the last two weeks I feel like work has just been one crisis after another and many many frustrations, not to mention more dissertation issues, that I will not discuss on a public forum. My Christmas decorations are still up, and I have yet to sleep in my bed since I got home because I have so much laundry and stuff to put away.  Of course, instead of doing all of this, I just spent the last 2 hours writing this blog! I know, my priorities are awesome. Do you ever just feel overwhelmed by seemingly small tasks? That's how I feel. I also feel overwhelmed by really large tasks, like being responsible for people's lives, writing my dissertation and losing weight. So, I would say that, in general, I just feel overwhelmed. I think it will feel better when I am not sick, work out the issues with my dissertation chair, get focused, and yes, match (: or not match ): to internship.

There are actually a lot of other things I wanted to blog about today, particularly about Andre Agassi's autobiography, Open. I read it at Christmas, and I highly recommend it to EVERYONE! I will hopefully sit down in the near future and discuss my take on it.

If anyone actually made it to the end, I commend you for your patience!